From the North Platte Bulletin,
Lincoln County's News Alternative

This article is from May, 2003.
http://www.northplattebulletin.com/NorthPlatteBulletin/index.asp?pageID=2&x=

Morons in North Platte? Are you kidding?
Frank Graham (North Platte Bulletin

It’s no joke.

Los Angeles Comedienne Jackie Kashian doesn’t like North Platte.

In a stand-up routine recently aired on Comedy Central Presents,
Kashian said she hates our town and called us “morons.”

“I travel all over the country doing stand-up comedy and I love wherever I go
because I am a people person,” Kashian said. “But now I have been to a bad place
– a place I will not be returning to. And that place has a name.
It’s North Platte, Nebraska.”

“Ever been there?” Kashian said. “It sucks.”

The show was taped at the Hudson Theater in New York City.

A Bulletin reader saw the show and was aghast.

“At first I was shocked, then I got mad,” said Sharon DeVino. She taped the show
and came stomping into the Bulletin office with the videotape Monday.

To a small smattering of laughter, Kashian continued her tirade against the city.

“It’s the worst place on the planet,” Kashian said.
“I hate them, hate their children.” “I won’t eat their cattle,”
Kashian said, “they’re horrible, horrible people.”

Kashian said she has toured Nebraska and the rest of the state –
Kearney, Columbus, Omaha and Lincoln – and they were “just fine.”

“But in North Platte, they’re a bunch of morons,” Kashian said.
She said she had a theory that Osama Bin Laden is hiding in North Platte
and that the government should bomb the city just in case.

“If I’m wrong, what have we lost?” Kashian asked.

We caught up with Kashian at her California home and asked her why she hated
us so much.

Kashian Tuesday said that Comedy Central edited the tape and cut the punch line
on the joke.

“I know I sound like a raving lunatic with no reason to dislike North Platte
so much,” she said.

She said the rest of the story was that she was sitting at the bar at a local motel,
waiting to perform, when a man mistook her for someone else.

“This giant man thought I was someone he knew,” Kashian said. “He was yelling at me across the room, ‘who said you could get out of the truck?’”

Kashian said her show that night was a bomb.

“The show was horrifying,” she said. “There were three hecklers right up front.
They wouldn’t shut up.”

She said she had been doing stand-up comedy for years and that hecklers
don’t usually bug her that much, but “when you’ve been mistaken
for a battered wife …”

“I’m sure there are fine people there,” Kashian added.

Kashian said every comedian has a bad show now and then, and hers just
happened in North Platte. She remembers it well.

She said there were about 200 people in the audience and the ones who
didn’t heckle her just stared.

“It was brutal,” Kashian said.

She is originally from a small town in Wisconsin and knows about small town life.

“You can’t out-dork me,” Kashian said. “I lived in a town much smaller
than North Platte.”

Kashian’s experiences come out in her act.

“People from Minnesota make fun of people from Wisconsin –
that’s like warring trailer parks,” she said.

Kashian said her comments about North Platte are just jokes and
doesn’t want anyone to take them too seriously.

“There are nice people everywhere I’ve been,” Kashian said. “I’m sure North
Platte is the same way.” She said every body and every town has bad nights
and she’s sure that North Platte was just having an off night the night
she was here.

Kashian is friendly, clever and funny. She wouldn’t rule out performing in
North Platte again.

“I never say never,” she said.

After Kashian acted so civil, we decided to give her a break and lighten up a bit.
We just wanted her to know that making fun of North Platte was no
laughing matter.

Comments from the locals:

Smart woman

Posted by Harry Caray - 5/26/2003 1:00:03 AM

Although this made National TV...ask around and find out how many people
even heard of it except us few that care what they think of us.

Posted by Spencer T - 5/28/2003 2:52:46 PM

Hey, everyone likes to make jokes about the French--why not North Platte?!
Lighten up! Think about it! The "Mall" is a joke; there's not much to the
social scene unless you count the fights that break out at the bars; people
here shouldn't take themselves too seriously. Ms. Kashian is making light of
North Platte or Flat Rock or the Prime Black Hole of the Universe--and she might
have hit upon some truth, as far as I'm concerned.

Posted by Brad Smith - 5/30/2003 3:41:03 PM

Hey, I'm just glad she hasn't found out about our Golden Spike.
Imagine what she could do with THAT????

Posted by Mark - 5/31/2003 3:24:09 PM

"Well..........we ARE tearing down a historic building to make room for a parking lot.
Perhaps that qualifies us.

Posted by Barb - 6/1/2003 10:02:36 PM

I think she's pretty much on target with only a few exeptions.

Posted by Grim - 6/2/2003 10:23:04 AM

She is the one that came here and I think if she was really that spectacular
than people would have laughed. Maybe she is the boring one! Yes, North Platte
doesn't have very much to do... but taking the situation, people look
for something exciting...maybe she wasn't it.

Posted by anon - 6/3/2003 8:08:17 AM

She was only here one night and hit the nail on the head about this town.
Amazing, it takes most of the people around here at least 10 years to figure out
that this place is full of morons.

Posted by Aaron - 6/4/2003 3:40:31 PM

She may have a point or two but it just amazes me how many people want to bash NP!
I wonder what some of you who are making these comments are doing to try to make
NP a better place! It is easy to knock something but takes a bit of work to do
something about it! Instead of adding to it why don't you get busy and make a difference!!

Posted by Brian - 6/5/2003 11:15:48 AM

You could say the same things about any city in the U.S.,
she just happened to make her thoughts about NP public!
I don't think we should be offended.

Posted by nikki - 6/5/2003 5:36:14 PM

hi, you guys have a golden spike? I'll be there by fall! jackie p.s.
It's comedy, folks. I'm kidding.

Posted by Jackie Kashian - 6/6/2003 1:05:32 AM

HEY!! Who said you could touch the %$*@ computer?!?!

Posted by Andy - 6/6/2003 1:17:26 AM

North Platte is living proof that stupidity is contagious.

Posted by Sledge 6/6/2003 9:42:37AM

For those of you who don't like North Platte, why are you still here?

Posted by granny - 6/10/2003 10:07:06 PM

She is a smart women. She is a politican. By the way,
why is North Platte tearing down the old High School,.
I have not heard of a good reason yet.

Posted by larry ,older than dirt - 6/11/2003 8:05:20 AM

i agree with granny, if this town "sucks" so bad, move the @#$% away, *&^%,
you make it sound like we're extremely !@#$%^, if it's so bad,
why do we have like 6 recording artists coming this month,
and she's not on her way back?? she's not the %$#@,
and everyone thought that she wasn't so she's all pissed off!

Posted by Candice - 6/11/2003 10:30:53 PM

To granny: The reason? BECAUSE STUPIDITY IS CONTAGIOUS!
Case in point; Candice and her articulate language. She is just one of many in this town.

Posted by Sledge - 6/12/2003 9:02:14 AM

Hey Candice, North Platte gets 6 more rednecks to
visit this crappy railroad town and all of a sudden it doesn't suck?
Clean up the language and form a decent argument and write back later.

Posted by PROGRESS - 6/12/2003 9:05:20 AM

TO LARRY....The NP school board can't justify cutting teaching jobs while
at the same time allocating other money to preserve that old turd of a building.
Can you say unnecessary overhead? It would be stupid to keep the damn thing.

Posted by Eyesore - 6/12/2003 11:45:49 AM

Two Words: THE MALL. Enough said.

Posted by Charles U. Farley - 6/12/2003 11:52:51 AM

Well, Charles, "Progress", and Sledge, what are YOU doing to make our town better?
Running it down? Wow, THAT helps! Got any ideas of your own that might improve on it,
and better yet, are YOU willing to do something to make it better?
So easy to complain, but it takes some honest work to make your situation better!

Posted by Danny - 6/12/2003 5:20:40 PM

She says on her webpage that she is going to do a monthly North Platte joke.
Shes very very funny. I think the Bulletin should run a Jackie Kashian joke of the week! or month!

Posted by Neo - 6/13/2003 9:18:57 AM

To Danny: The first step towards PROGRESS is that you have to admit there is a problem.
Maybe you ought to exit the pub, look around and take your own advise!

Posted by PROGRESS - 6/13/2003 12:16:49 PM

Hey Sledge, You are right about "Candice and her articulate language"
... you have just discovered North Platte grammar !!! It is widespread,
and seems to be a product of the public school system !

Posted by cyn - 6/13/2003 2:30:17 PM

Ya'll ARE rather rude to visitors. Read the blotter, people report "suspicious vehicles".
However, perhaps the reason for the paranoia could be from all the drugs locals are ingesting.
STOP TAKING ILLEGAL DRUGS, BE NICE TO TOURISTS AND COMEDIANS WON'T 'DISS YA'LL.

Posted by willi wonka - 6/14/2003 3:51:34 AM

I've watched her on TV and, frankly, the funniest part of her act is the part about North Platte.
Hey, Jackie! Do you actually read the posts here and was that REALLY you that posted above?

Posted by Critic - 6/19/2003 12:12:57 AM

You can't blame Jackie for what she thinks. You can't blame people for not likeing NP.
That is just the way it is here.NP has a way of being the best and the worst at the same time.
I have never seen a town like this. I think North Platte is truly unique, and when I move away
I will miss NP. To prove my point look at history. Ann cook and the canteen!
Depending on what you see you can get two different impressions of this town and
if you don't like that then you probaly should be the one who should leave this town.
I except NP for what it is. Some days its a cute little Mayberry and other days it is
like being in Mayberry on the night of the living dead. If people want to bury their
heads in the sand so be it but personally I truly believe you are missing out on the
experience of NP. You really can't enjoy the cornspitter experience here if you don't
except NP for what it is!

Posted by Meral - 6/21/2003 4:02:47 AM

I have to agree with Meral. Most North Platte residents have huge hearts and are warm,
friendly and inviting. It's a friendly and fun town. But it has a dark side that's oh-so evil.
Even the dark side results in humor sometimes though. All in all, it's an interesting place to live,
there's rarely a lack of something to talk about. Don't believe me? Just keep reading this
web site and tell me you don't come away with 5-10 things to comment on!
Don't blame Jackie, she's just trying to make a living.

Posted by James - 6/22/2003 3:53:34 PM

Morons in NP? Sure, just like everywhere.

Posted by Zip - 6/24/2003 6:56:40 PM

I saw it charles. I think every body is dislikeing her because her jokes are
geared more for mature adults with a little more of an ability to understand things.
So of course I missed all the punch lines.

Posted by Moron - 6/30/2003 9:06:22 PM

Damm she is an ugly one. She isn't even funny. Now if she was funny then maybe
I could get past the uglyness but she's not. Definetly a double bagger.
I think next time she comes around she should go to the flatrock and try her
standup crap in there. But hell they probably have better looking chicks in there than her.
I'm thinking it would at least take whiskey goggles to wanna take her home.
JACKIE YOU SUCK AND ARE A NASTY BEOTCH!!!!!!! coyote ugly ring a bell?

Posted by jackiesucks - 7/1/2003 7:04:44 AM

OK maybe she needs to gain a few pounds and have some facial hair but
you have to remember she isn't from this cornfed, beef eating state!
Very few people are as hot as nebraskans! Every day when I see the
cracked sidewalks (from all the weight) in our town I am reminded of how lucky
I am to be a Nebraskan! Give me a month with Jackie and I will have
cracking sidewalks with the best of them. Don't worry Jackie there is hope for you yet.
May I suggest you eat more beef from our state?

Posted by Moron - 7/1/2003 7:00:14 PM

Here's the big question -- where the hell did she perform in North Platte?
Somebody's house? The county fair? What's the hot comedy venue in NP these days?

Posted by Mike Jasper - 7/2/2003 6:40:35 PM

The Touchdown thursday nights at 7 or 9. comedy night

Posted by Moron - 7/2/2003 7:30:41 PM

I think she hit the nail on the head!! That is why I got the hell out of there after high school.

Posted by Renae - 7/4/2003 11:56:20 AM

Great. Now we have Mike Jasper reading and commenting.
What's this turning into, a comedian's forum? Sheeesh.....

Posted by Sonoma Sam - 7/5/2003 1:49:45 AM